Slow Down and Reflect More
It’s estimated that about 2/3 of the population classify themselves as extroverts. These social butterflies, the talkative bunch, the gregarious outgoing folks – they build energy from interacting and being around other people while otherwise being, as we introverts say, obnoxious.
On the other hand, introverts recharge and refresh themselves with introspection, contemplation, and generally a bit of peace and quiet. Or, as we introverts say, Zen-like.
The problems arise, however, when we live in a society that values the boisterous, bubbly, and outgoing extrovert, but not so much the introvert. Introverts are seen as shy, timid, and perhaps a little fearful. So, the majority of people try to push and pull and get those introverts to act more like extroverts. There has been a lot written on how to be more outgoing.
I can’t tell you how many times, especially in my childhood, I was told I needed to “open up” or “come out of my shell” or “stop being who you are and completely change your identity to conform to my standards of how I think you should act.”
Today, I’m writing to those extroverts who insist on making introverts into extroverts; I’m offering tips on how you can be less outgoing and more introspective.
How to be Less Extroverted
This is not entirely tongue-in-cheek. I know a lot of extroverts that could stand to bring it down a notch. Pay attention; you might learn a thing or two.
Read a Book – Audiobooks don’t count. You certainly absorb the knowledge while listening to a book being read, but physically sitting still and turning those pages forces you to turn a bit more inward.
Sit and Think – Look out the window. Ponder the profound philosophical question, “Why?” Watch the squirrels. Overall, just shut your trap for a minute or two.
Eat Lunch Alone – There’s a book called “Never Eat Alone,” and plenty of sales gurus say every lunch eaten alone is a wasted opportunity. You should definitely eat lunch alone. Use the time to not irritate your introverted friends who just want to munch on their peanut butter and jelly sandwich in peace.
Don’t Voice Your Opinion – You know what they say about opinions – they’re like buttholes: everyone has one, and they all stink. Instead, listen to other people’s opinions. Think about how yours will sound just as stupid if you open your yapper.
Plan to go; Then Don’t – Even better, tell someone you’ll be there. At the last minute, cancel. Or, just don’t go. Instead, pop some corn and watch a movie. If anyone asks why you weren’t there, merely say, “Oh, I forgot.”
Go, but Leave in 20 Minutes – Invited somewhere last minute? Tell them you’re on your way! Then pop some corn, start a movie, and maybe sit on the pot for a bit. Then, head out the door. Ideally, the event is so far underway that you’ve missed the important bits, so you just go home and finish the movie.
Stay off Social Media – You’re doing a great job avoiding people and interactions, but social media has made it too easy for obnoxious people to infiltrate our homes. Just as you close your yapper to keep your opinion to yourself, close the app and don’t voice it digitally, either.
Don’t Initiate Conversations – Stand there and see if anyone approaches you to conversate. Observe the room, notice how people interact, intentionally put a glob of ketchup on your face so someone, anyone, will finally come talk to you.
Only go in Small Groups – Planning an outing? Limit your group to four people so nobody gets lost in the crowd. Go somewhere quiet and relaxing; encourage conversations that aren’t loud and obnoxious. When it’s over, tell everyone how fun it was and how “we should do this again in 6 months.”
Acknowledge Your Deficiencies – There is no such thing as “the gift of gab.” In fact, being too extroverted and not knowing when to pull it back in is just as much a deficiency as being too introverted and not knowing how to open up a little bit.
Quit Trying to Make Others Like You
One thing I learned from studying sociology is that we are all individuals – who act just like everyone else.
If you live in a society, that society is going to push, pull, pressure, and prod you to become just like everyone else. We don’t like people who are different; they make us uncomfortable.
So, as you tell your introverted friends they need to open up and get a bit more excited, they think you need to tone it down a bit and be less obnoxious.
If you need me, I’ll be at home, alone, without pants on. I may consider thinking about answering questions that you might have.